25 random things (my list from Facebook)

At first I thought this meme was obnoxious. Now I'm glad I wrote it because I can paste it here in my blog to save for posterity. I can also add to the list. For those three of my readers who didn't see it when I posted it on Facebook, be amused, be annoyed, wonder who starts these things--but read on.

1. I am terrified of heights. This dates back to my study abroad in Jerusalem when I was hiking along an old Roman aqueduct, looked down at the canyon below, became dizzy and nauseous and froze. A very nice tall guy in my group walked into the water in the aqueduct and let me hold onto him while I walked until I arrived on solid ground. Driving over tall bridges makes me nauseous. It took me several years of living in Portland, Oregon before I could drive over a bridge without breaking into a sweat. When I climbed the Brunnelleschi dome in Florence, I struggled to let Parry take our picture because I wanted to throw up when I looked over the edge.

2. My two biggest weaknesses are my temper (combined with my mouth) and procrastination. I have also been known to hold a grudge. I'm working on all of these. I don't think I've really yelled at anyone for a long time, but I have procrastinated a lot over the last month and I have a few grudges that need rooting out.

3. I watched the second plane hit the World Trade Center on September 11 live on Good Morning America. I had woken up early (west coast US) to take a phone call from my New York City based editor. It was the first time I remember having a personal interest in a national tragedy. I still have videotapes of that day that I can't bear to throw away. As I side note, I was in NY and DC a month, to the day, before 9/11 visiting the same editor. One of my favorite memories from the DC trip was sitting on the steps of the US Capitol eating a burger from Johnny Rockets. It felt like America's living room. Now there are security fences, barricades and barriers around the Capitol. This makes me sad, but at the same time I have to confess that I might have to slap Nancy Pelosi if I ran into her. Perhaps the barricade is a good thing.

4. I love Van Gogh's paintings. There is something intimate and personal about the pain and passion he expresses in his use of color and his brush strokes that I can't help connect on a visceral level. One of the most unique, stark, pained VanGogh paintings I've ever seen is in the Pushkin Fine Arts Museum here in Moscow. It is called " Prisoners Exercising (After Dore). My favorite painting is "Cafe Terrace At Night."

5. I have stress nightmares about transportation. I dream about being in flooded airports, being trapped on trains, racing across town to catch a flight, and organizing my driver's schedule. I had a premonition in a dream the night before Bologna, Italy that there would be a problem with our flight and lo and behold, we reached the airport and found it had been canceled. We were rerouted to Rome (instead of Milan) and arrived four hours later than we were supposed to. After the recent temple trip to Helsinki, I had dreams of Russian women crowding around me and yelling at me to cook faster or telling me that I was cooking all wrong. When Sara's flight was rerouted to Canada because of the crazy drunk, it probably set my nocturnal mental health back about a decade.

6. When I am in Russia, I often want nothing to do with Russian culture--literature, borscht, music etc.. There is something so immediate and intense about living in this country that to immerse myself fully in it makes me feel like I'm drowning. At the same time, I love it here. I make a mean borscht, for the record.

7. If I could go anywhere in the world it would be Africa. I have always wanted to go to Tanzania and Kenya. I dream of safaris and savannahs.

8. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy are the most influential books in my life and are also my favorite films. After I saw "The Return of the King," I told my friend Bethany that I was afraid that I had just seen the best film in my lifetime and it would be downhill from there. So far, I've been right. My favorite writer, however, is Jane Austen. I adore her and read her books over and over again. I have never been able to finish "Mansfield Park" because I think Fanny Price is a ninny. I will keep trying.

9. Living in Moscow has killed any dreams I had of spending my twilight years in a big city. I'm campaigning for a small farm in a rural area where I can raise goats, make gourmet cheeses and figure out how to raise a garden of heirloom tomatoes with killing them with my black thumb.

10. I have an idolatrous relationship with food, especially Italian food. I had a five cheese risotto in Bologna that is *this close* to Shangri La. My love for dairy is obscene. Whenever family members go on quack health food diets that eliminate dairy, I listen politely and dream of Gruyere cheese. I would walk barefoot on hot tar for exquisite chocolate desserts.

11. I saw a naturopath, had acupuncture and did a nearly year long cleanse before Oprah made it trendy. At the time it was a good decision but I wept during a movie that featured a couple eating spaghetti believing that I might never have spaghetti Bolognese again. I have since re-embraced the world of dairy, chocolate, gluten, tomatoes, onions and citrus and I'm okay with that.

12. Speaking of Oprah... I hate Oprah Winfrey. I think she makes women feel bad who can't afford her favorite things.

13. I've never had a massage. I had my first pedicure three months before my 40th birthday and I despair over ever figuring out how to pluck my eyebrows so they look chic.

14. I will celebrate my 50th birthday by purchasing an expensive, classic purse--like Louis Vuitton--that I will have until I die. I will find my perfect pair of trousers, the perfect crisp, white starched blouse and procure a lovely Hermes scarf. This will be my uniform with a few important variations until I'm too old and senile to care.

15. I never thought I would be a good mother. Now I believe it is the thing I'm best at. I think I have the most extraordinary children in the world. They are brilliant, clever and far cooler than I could ever dream of being.

16. Pet Peeve: white kids who dress and talk like gangsters and hip-hop/rap videos. Especially if they're suburban white kids. Pet Peeve 2: People who mercilessly abuse the English language and fail to understand the meaning and power of their words. Pet Peeve 3: Being late.

17. I met my husband for the first time the summer before our Junior year in high school. We were introduced in the Republican cloakroom of the US Senate. I was a page; he was a returning page. I thought he was a smarmy punk in plaid Bermuda shorts. He thought I was a snob. Together we are yin and yang and it is AWESOME. I married the best guy in the world. Sorry everyone else--you'll have to settle for second best.

18. I have three honorary daughters: Bridget, Chelsea and Louisa. Chelsea once told me that I was her Mrs. Weasley and my home was her Burrow. I cried I was so touched. I still get choked up thinking about it. I love them all and am very proud of what exceptional young women they are becoming. They are also wicked cool and exceptionally funny.

19. I started university on a fine arts scholarship with the notion I would major in film studies. I changed majors at least five times before giving up, going to work and supporting my husband through his first years of university. I still haven't graduated, but I'm working on it.

20. I was born to parents who are members of The Church of Jesus-Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Mom's family converted when she was little; Dad had pioneer ancestors. I found my testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel when I went to Jerusalem at age 19. Living those principles makes me happy.

21. When I die, I hope Heaven looks like England--Kent, Cornwall or the Cotswolds. Don't care which. I suspect when I finally visit Scotland, I will feel like Heaven should look like Scotland. The Swiss Alps are a very close second.

22. I hate sunbathing. I get sunsick. I wear hats. I am beached whale pale. I, however, love the sun.

23. I have a weakness for sleazy celebrity gossip. It was a banner year with Lindsey Lohan and Britney Spears had their meltdowns. I listened to all of the OJ Simpson murder trial on the radio while I stripped wallpaper. Watching rich, famous and undeserving celebrities crack up brings me warped satisfaction. When Paris Hilton final crashes and burns, I'll be waving my pom-poms.

24. I love TV procedural dramas when I need to turn my brain off: Law & Order, Without a Trace, ER marathons on TNT. I also love the Food Network, especially "Ace of Cakes" and the Food Network Challenges. My current favorite shows are "LOST" and "Chuck." In my fantasies, if I could be on any reality TV show, it would be "Project Runway." Fierce!

25. Cooking is easy. Sleeping--for 7-8 hours, without disruptions--is hard.

Sing Your Way Home

There's a great song by the Talking Heads called "This must be the place (naive melody)" that was also an amazing, poignant cover by Shawn Colvin. I've been thinking about this song a lot because I'm feeling sentimental about home and family. Home is where I want to be Pick me up and turn me round I feel numb - burn with a weak heart (So I) guess I must be having fun The less we say about it the better Make it up as we go along Feet on the ground Head in the sky It's ok I know nothing's wrong . . nothing Hi yo I got plenty of time Hi yo you got light in your eyes And you're standing here beside me I love the passing of time Never for money Always for love Cover up + say goodnight . . . say goodnight Home - is where I want to be But I guess I'm already there I come home - -she lifted up her wings Guess that this must be the place I can't tell one from another Did I find you, or you find me? There was a time Before we were born If someone asks, this where I'll be . . . where I'll be I am going to America today (TODAY!) [Thanks Neil Diamond]. I feel like I am cheating--that there is an unwritten rule that I'm not allowed to go to the US between August and June. Still, the doctor's office calls and I have three appointments with specialists (there is no endocrinologist to speak of in Moscow). When I checked in online for Delta, I had to mark my country of residence. I hesitated for a second but realized that yes, we pay Russian taxes so I live in Russia. But is this home? (Queue another song from the Broadway musical "Beauty and the Beast": Is this home? Is this where I should learn to be happy?). I came to the profound, but unsurprising conclusion that home is my family. When Allyson and Rachel are in Thailand, part of my home will be in Thailand. When Parry is traveling to Nizhny-Novgorod next week, part of me will be hanging out on a Russian train. I'm going home to America to be with my daughter, my sister, my parents, my in-laws so it doesn't matter whether they live in the SL east bench or Provo. Not having a home to claim is vaguely disconcerting. I don't consider this overpriced "cottage" in Rosinka, home, but I don't have a house in the US to call my own either. There are moments when I look around Moscow and I can't imagine the day I'll being leaving for good, but when I land in Atlanta or New York, I don't know quite where I fit either. I want to smack my fellow Americans and warn them that they are trading their inheritance for a mess of pottage when it comes to how to recover from this economic downturn. Unlimited fast food and NFL All Access cable isn't worth it. And yet I love them in all their idealistic, patriotic glory. When I was at school yesterday, I talked to a lovely woman I know from my Russian class. She's from Ecuador. She told me to enjoy my vacation to which I responded, "You that moment when you get off the plane and you look around and you understand everything?" She nodded and replied, "It's the best isn't it?" I nodded. Maybe home is where your family is because they are the ones that understand you best in the world. You know you're an expat when....you clean out your purse and find trash in five languages and lip balms from four countries.