My Christmas Vacation...Gay Pareee

I have never been a Francophile. It isn't that I don't appreciate France--particularly French art--but I've never understood what could possibly be so amazing about Paris that people drop everything in their lives to move there, wear berets, live in rat infested garrets and smoke in cafes while discussing Proust. This is, of course, an exaggeration, but I honestly couldn't imagine a city that was more amazing than, the Swiss Alps or the Norwegian fjords or more enchanting than the Cotswolds in England. I am more a Lord of the Rings girl than a Hunchback of Notre Dame girl. That being said, Paris is cool. It has a certain vibe--not to mention its streets being rife with history on every corner--that its hard not to love it. From goose-stepping Nazis to impressionists hawking their wares to generations of backpacking college kids camping out in the Tuilieres gardens--it all feels like it is alive in Paris today, no mater how long ago it happened. Parisians are unapologetic about their history. We all loved the irony of placing a Ferris wheel, more or less, on the spot where Marie Antoinette and her ilk were guillotined. Where else in the world do you put a kiddie ride on the spot of a famous person's death? Most people would have a plaque or a memorial. Not the French. They are shameless about tarting up Versailles with horrid modern art (nowadays, you must look past a plastic rendering of Michael Jackson and Bobo the monkey to take in the King's bedroom). At the same time, the top floor of the Musee Orsay is sacred space. I fell in love anew with VanGogh. What sad, tragic, brilliant painter. Loved the Orsay. Loved the Orangerie. Loved the Eiffel Tour by night. LOVED felafels in the Jewish Quarter. Didn't love the Louvre. I feel guilty for saying that. How dare I not love the Louvre. I love museums. I've queued in line for many museums of lesser status and thoroughly enjoyed everything about those museums. But the Louvre left me a little blitzed. Imagining the opening scenes of the DaVinci Code was probably the most entertaining aspect of the visit. "And that's where Sauniere's body was laid out in the pentagram with all the blood..." The rest of the time I felt like I was fighting for life and limb just to make it up an escalator with my purse, ticket and sanity in tact. My favorite moment was when my niece Ruby, after noting the throng around the "Mona Lisa", proclaimed, "I can't see!" and proceeded to crawl underneath a sea of legs, up beyond the security barrier right to the front where she was gently escorted away from DaVinci's most famous girl. I have been in Disneyland in August and managed easier crowds than the Louvre. Loved Michaelangelo's "Slaves." Loved DaVinci's "Madonna on the Rocks." Loved the Louvre-Rivoli metro stop font. It is the only stop on the Paris metro stop that uses this font. Wish I could find it and use it on my blog. Loved the garishly out of place pyramid over the lobby. In Paris, it makes a strange sort of sense. Won't be going back anytime soon. I'll be saving up my crowd queuing karma for the opening of Harry Potter World at Universal Studios Florida.